Thomas Mailaender JANUARY / Your staff are the nicest pooch-lovers in the whole world. Penny, my precious little wiener, is on a special diet and must be fed at specific times so she can take her pills. Your room service staff was sweet enough to prepare it each day, executed to the last detail and delivered right on time. Penny is extremely appreciative and is looking forward to her next stay.

We’re pretty sure everyone involved had a blast putting together The Standard Calendar 2014. Conceptualized by Dutch agency KesselsKramer and shot by French photographer Thomas Mailaender exclusively for The Standard, this year’s calendar is “an unexpected look at the follies of 2013,” inspired by a mix of entertaining and off-the-wall customer comments from guests from across the hotel’s properties in New York, Los Angeles and Miami. Shot at The Standard, Downtown LA and The Standard, Hollywood, Mailaender brings these quirky comments to life with the help of the hotel staff, who reenacted them. Here’s to starting the new year off with a little cleverness and humor. Get yours here.

Thomas Mailaender FEBRUARY / Your tip jar saved my life! I was trying to buy drinks for my co-workers in from Sweden when my credit card went on the fritz. I was $20 bucks short in cash and was about to die of embarrassment when the server discretely called me to the bar and spotted me the difference from the tip jar. The next day I got my card working and slipped them a $100 tip for saving my broke ass…Forever grateful.

Thomas Mailaender MARCH / I am writing you to share a recent experience I had in your hot tub. I carefully entered into the water, placing my glasses near the edge. The water was searingly hot and after a very brief time (I would say no more than 3-4 minutes) I placed the frames back on my face only to discover that the prescription had literally melted off the lenses. I tried to wash them to get them clear. This didn’t work, they are permanently damaged. I have been in hot tubs all over the world, including natural ones in Reykjavik and this has never happened. Unacceptable. I would like to be compensated. They are the European Silhouette brand, made of titanium, and have ultra-thin, anti-reflective corrective lenses. The price of the lens (without the frames) is about $150. Thank you in advance.

Thomas MailaenderAPRIL / Thank you for providing a refuge to recover from the harsh world of Los Angeles and its dog-eat-dog media business. Your support for the arts is apparent in the wonderful environment you have created here. Thank you for rehabilitating me from: hostile takeover of my business, subsequent lawsuit, divorce, collapse of my ego. I have been reborn a better man.

Thomas Mailaender MAY / My girlfriend and I spent lots of money at the bar and on room service. Any compensation would be greatly appreciated.

Thomas Mailaender JUNE / “I lost my kush. Where’s my kush?”

Thomas Mailaender JULY / I’m a music journalist and frequent guest of The Standard. I had just given an unflattering review to a volatile pop star’s latest album and heard through the grapevine he was staying at the hotel and I was certain he was going to exact some kind of revenge. To be honest, I completely freaked out. After many anxious phone calls with the front desk, one of your staff kindly offered to stay up with me until I calmed down. She literally sat in my room and read to me until I passed out. These people deserve a bonus, a trophy, a weekend in the Bahamas. Thanks my friends.

Thomas Mailaender AUGUST / Stayed here a few years ago and it is still beautiful! The only thing I recommend is…the TV is possessed. No matter which button you push: vol, channel up, etc, it just channels down—malfunction. Love from Vegas.

Thomas Mailaender SEPTEMBER / Quality of toilet paper could be better…3-ply minimum…otherwise it was a great room and enjoyable stay. Thank you…

Thomas Mailaender OCTOBER / Dear Standard, I LOVE YOU. Every time my best friend comes to town, we get a room here and live it up BALLER STYLE. We love the rooftop bar, and the nudie shower, and the weirdo art films. We’d like to thank you so much for the surprise upgrade from LARGE room to HUGE. We love it and had such a great time. We also very much appreciated the bouncer who let our two friends up to the rooftop bar sans cover. That MADE OUR NIGHT. Our friend got a dude’s number and made out with him. BEST…STAY…EVER!

Thomas MailaenderNOVEMBER / Hey Standard, Thanks plenty for the most epic hangover of my life. And thanks even more for hydrating me the next day.

Thomas MailaenderDECEMBER / Dear Standard Staff, You were the most hospitable bunch of people I’ve ever stayed with in a while. Thank you so much for making my time here in LA so nice. PS: Btw, someone installed the sign in your hotel upside down.

Thomas Mailaender

Speaking of The Standard, Los Angeles-based photographer Stephanie Gonot‘s work L.A. Food will be on view Thursday, January 23rd from 7-9pm at The Standard, Hollywood.

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